Toni (Lead Cancer Nurse at Doncaster and Bassetlaw Teaching Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust) chatted to Emma and Craig about her recent trip to Vietnam and what she learnt about herself.
Toni: I recently pre-planned a trip to Vietnam, which was a significant moment for me as it was my first time travelling alone with my two teenage children. We really wanted to have an amazing experience, as I’m mindful that, at 17 and 15, my daughter is going to university next year and my son is getting so independent. I know I’m running out of time to make memories with them before they go off into the world. With lots of recent changes in our lives, we wanted a holiday to remember! We began by sitting down and deciding that rather than just going abroad for two weeks to somewhere hot, we truly wanted to experience the culture. My son suggested Vietnam, so we looked it up and decided Vietnam was our trip! I then did loads of research, including direct communication with someone in Vietnam to help plan our trip, to ensure we included hiking, walking and war history (to make sure we were all happy!)
We flew into a city in the north of Vietnam, just under China, travelling our way down for 16 nights. We never stayed in one place for more than three days – it was an amazing adventure. Vietnam had never come to me as a place to visit, but it was such a beautiful country, with so much history and culture, full of people who just wanted peace. It made me and my children realise how lucky we are to come from a country where we have so much.
Emma: What part would you say was the most important, that’s stuck with you since you left?
Toni: It was such an amazing experience with my children to appreciate and learn from the adventure together. I’ve never been on this type of holiday before, but it was eye-opening to the fact that I AM confident enough to travel so far away, be constantly on the move and go that bit further into understanding the country that I’m travelling in. I love how my children have come back and said, “You know what, I might take a gap year next year and use the time to do some travelling!” It made them open their eyes to how confident you can be. Even in my career, it’s given me some more confidence. I’m new to a leadership role and I’ve just recently been part of The Trusts Nursing and Midwifery, Matrons Leadership Programme with Rambutan, and it’s made me sit back and think, ‘Yeah, you can do anything you want to achieve’. I’ve got a few anxieties, but if I listen to them all the time, then it’d stop me from doing anything. The trip really made me cross my boundaries, get out of my comfort zone and step into my stretch zone, as that’s where you learn the most!
Craig: Can you tell us a little more about this confidence shift?
Toni: I come from a very clinical background, which I have a lot of experience and confidence in as a well-respected clinician. So, when I stepped up to my new leadership role, where I’m now supporting my colleagues and leading them in terms of their career development and professional/educational programmes, I lacked that confidence in leading people, that I had in my clinical background. I’ve never been a leader before and stepping into these roles, no one tells you what you need to do to be a ‘good leader’! But the whole experience has made me realise I do have leadership qualities. I’ve picked up different leadership styles, and I am approachable, supportive and ask great questions, etc. The trip gave me the confidence to say to myself, “Right, Toni, you may not have known what all this leadership stuff meant, but you’re doing it the right way. You are a good leader.” I CAN lead, organise and believe in myself, and this way of thinking has opened up the whole world. I also love how my children have seen ‘mum’ in a different light. The world is your oyster after all!
Emma: I love how you’ve been able to apply your learnings from travelling to your life back home!
Toni: It really spurred me on to think, what else is on my horizon? Because you only live once. With my clinical background, I’ve looked after lots of cancer patients, where I’ve heard heartbreaking stories about how people’s lives can just change. They often had a wish list that they never got to complete, and this really stuck with me. It’s always at the forefront of my mind now, to go and enjoy life and take every day as it comes. I want to build this confidence not only in my kids but also in my workforce. That’s why I got a tattoo whilst I was out there.
Craig: That sounds amazing. Can you tell us more about this tattoo?
Toni: This was so significant for me, as I didn’t plan to have a tattoo when I went to Vietnam, but around the 10th day, I was just so proud of myself for what I was doing that I wanted to mark it. I’ve always had this phrase that I think about when I’m having a bad experience (or even a good one), and it popped into my head whilst I was there, so I decided to have it tattooed as a visual reminder. It says, ‘This too shall pass.’
This phrase means so much to me because when you’ve been through a bad or difficult time, it’s easy to forget about what you do and why you’re doing it. It reminds me that even though I’m struggling, it won’t last forever and will pass. The same with good times, things pass, so make the most of it, learn and remember moments come and go. Everything is what you make of it, so you’ve got to live in the moment.
We’re always on this roller coaster and just reading my tattoo can remind me to get off that roller coaster and think more rationally. It’s a motivation to achieve my next goal and make things happen, rather than just talking about it.
Emma: Looking back on your adventure now, how do you feel?
Toni: I’m feeling so proud of myself because I’ve come back and gone straight into a busy life, both at work and at home, but I took the time to push myself out of my comfort zone. I’m so glad we went to make some amazing memories, because it’s so easy to let life pass you by. Leading up to the trip, I worked extra shifts on top of my full-time job, because I really wanted Vietnam to be a good experience. Looking back, missing out on a few nights out with friends was so worth it. So, if you get the opportunity to push yourself out of your comfort zone and do something different, I say do it! Push yourself, what have you got to lose?
Thank you, Toni, for sharing such an inspiring story with us. What life moment pushed you out of your comfort zone and taught you about yourself?
