David reflects on the impact of beliefs and how we need to challenge ourselves more.
During a weekend trip to Bristol, we went on an evening walk along the quayside, where I saw a sign (pictured here and see #DFTE on Instagram) that resonated with me. It read, ‘Don’t believe everything you think’. This really struck a chord with me, as it’s relevant to lots of coaching work I’ve been doing over the last 12 months. I’ve now shown it to three different coachees, asking them:
- what does this mean to you?
- how can you use it to make your more effective?
Reflecting on these words has had a profound impact, with one recent coachee getting very uncomfortable when I asked what it meant to them. They said words to the effect of, ‘OMG… I believe just about everything I think!’
There’s a bit of this in all of us. It’s like a flaw in human nature that we believe (to a greater or lesser extent) what we think, rather than stepping back and asking ourselves, ‘Is this correct? Is there any data that doesn’t stack up? Is there any research to back it up? Do I want to believe this? How does it serve me to believe this?’ I guess if you work in the type of job that’s about science, research, forensics or police investigation etc., you might have learnt to work with this flaw, but for the rest of us… watch out!
There’s an amazing book called ‘Humankind‘ by Rutger Bregman, where he looks at lots of factors across society and how we more often than not believe what we think. He really challenges some of the age-old arguments that we have in our world, and I find it fascinating. There’s a story told in several books (including Rutger’s) about a murder that happened in New York, where everyone heard, but no one did anything about it. It was reported that the person died on their own in a stairwell after being stabbed in an attack, with people knowing it was happening but not helping and no-one dialling 911. This incident (or the way it was first published) created a belief that no one does anything when they hear something bad happening and instead draw their curtains and turn the volume on their TVs up. However, the facts that Bregman uncovered, are that actually three people called the police, one person ran out after the attacker and two neighbours arrived separately at the stairwell. The person didn’t die alone like it was reported, but in the arms of their neighbours, who ran out when they heard the screaming. The inaccurate story has been published and referenced hundreds of times over the last 30 years in numerous psychology books, to illustrate how we’re capable of ‘turning a blind eye’… quite a dark view on human nature… based on newspaper headlines not facts. This is just one of numerous examples and stories from Rutger Bregman that sheds light on the positives, not the popularist dark side, of human nature. Every page challenging us to ‘not believe everything we think’!
The same goes for the very famous and widely published experiment conducted in the 1960s by Stanley Milgram. In Milgram’s study, he concluded that a high percentage of participants (around 65%) would obey perceived authority and administer a severe and life-threatening electric shock to another human being, even when the other person (an actor) cried out in pain and begged them to stop. Well, it turns out that most participants knew it was a fake and the other person was acting. Those who thought it was real, chose not to participate. This is completely different from the results published at the time, which have been used and reused to demonstrate the ‘evil nature of human beings’!
If we all took advice from the quayside sign, and reminded ourselves not to believe everything we think, what impact could this have? If we all believed a little bit more in the good of fellow humans, rather than drinking in the popularist, attention-grabbing headlines, how might our days be a little more enjoyable and our relationships be a little deeper?
When are you next going to sit back and challenge your beliefs?